hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
