Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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