Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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