I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
