How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
