She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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