where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
