that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
