YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
