There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
