i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
