Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
