Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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