I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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