There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
