he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize