i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
