3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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