Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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