I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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