even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
