...so i touched it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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