Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk is not a location!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
