Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
