ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
