well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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