Who did Billy Mays play for?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
