No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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