i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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