i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
