I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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