How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
