BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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