dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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