Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Vodka?
Forever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
