Please don't use social media to get back at me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
