end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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