we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
