we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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