Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
