whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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