4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
