i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
