Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
