can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
