Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
