mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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