so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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