i need an iv and a liver transplant
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
