I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
