He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
