Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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