you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize