Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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