I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
