sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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