12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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