party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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