I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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