I feel great
I just peed on a car
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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