No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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