I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
