I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
