All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We don't watch enough power rangers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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