oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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