I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
accomplished twins. life is a go
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
