apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ketchup is God's man juice
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
