People with herpes should wear stickers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
