And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
