i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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