oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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