I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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