He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
