You're so nebulous sometimes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
