You just made me feel so damn special
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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