so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
