dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
