he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
