I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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