i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
a search helicopter?!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
