tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
