So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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