You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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