From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
