May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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